JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP
by Mr. BramStoker
Summary: The Justice League go on their first ever family road trip! Expect a mile-long ride of hilarity, shenanigans, jokes, fourth wall breakage, Robin and Booster Gold bashing, some Hippolyta and Dinah fluff, a few running gags and a whole lot more
1. Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **Chapter 1: Decisions, Decisions, Decisions**

"hi Mommy. Whatcha doing?" Dinah asked sweetly

"oh hi honey. Daddy and I were thinking about us going on a road trip" Hippolyta said, reading through some road maps

"ooh! What's a road trip?" Dinah asked curiously

"well honey, a road trip is something a family does when they drive around and go somewhere" Hippolyta explained

"oh ok. So where are we going?" Dinah asked as Hippolyta scooped her up

"hmmm… I don't know yet. But Daddy and I will talk about it later. But right now…it's time for your nap" Hippolyta said, tucking Dinah into bed

"k, g'night" Dinah said cheerfully, going to sleep

"g'night my little birdie, I love you" Hippolyta cooed, smooching Dinah on the forehead as she walked out of the room

"ok, we have maps for National City, maps for Virtua City, maps for Deviant City…what do you think, honey?" Two-Face asked Hippolyta

"Hmmm… maybe we should let the kids decide when they all wake up" Hippolyta answers

"alright Mom, we're all here" Wonder Woman announced, her and everyone else gathered around

"…well that was quick" Two-Face said

"ok children, your father and I have been planning on this road trip for a very, very, VERY long time. So… we're gonna let you decide. So come on, where shall we go for our first ever family road trip?" Hippolyta asked

"um…" Supergirl thought, drool dripping off her lip

"oh great, not again" Alex whined, wiping off drool from the floor

"Ooh, ooh, I know!" Huntress cheered

"ok Helena, let's hear it" Hippolyta said

"Las Vegas!" Helena announced

"…what?" Two-Face finally said

"yeah. Las Vegas, come on, you know, gambling, food, drinks, fun…" Helena started

"um sweetie is that gonna be ok for Dinah?" Hippolyta asks nervously

"sure! Diana, Ivy and I will babysit her while you guys are off at the casinos" Helena said

"well…" Hippolyta thought, huddling around with Two-Face, Black Mask, Mr. Zsasz and Hush

"what are they saying?" Dinah whispered intently

"I don't know, weren't you supposed to be sleeping?" Helena asked

"I wake up pretty darn quickly" Dinah said

"ok kiddos, we agreed that Las Vegas would be our 1st family road trip" Hippolyta announced

"woohoo!" Huntress cheered

"we leave tomorrow at 2 AM!" Two-Face barked

"…wait, what?" Hawkgirl gasped in shock


	2. Drivin' Off to an Early Start

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **Chapter 2: Drivin' Off on an Early Start…**

Everyone was sound asleep in the Watchtower until Two-Face blared Reveille loudly on his megaphone

"Dent…." Batman snarled angrily

"Ok… who's the son of a bitch with the megaphone?" Hush growled, brandishing his gun

"come on you bums, up and at em! Today's our big ride to Las Vegas! Come on, move it, move it!" Two-Face hollered

"ugh… can't we do this in the morning?" Huntress moaned, carrying a snoring Dinah in her arms

"no can do, kiddo, we gotta get going now, now, now! Now come on, get all your stuff in the car. Come on, let's go" Two-Face hollered

"mmm… Harvey, you woke me up from my dream of dancing with Marilyn Monroe…" Hippolyta whined

"…say what?" Livewire asked, everyone stopping what they're doing and staring at their mother

"just a crazy dream she has, no biggie. Now come on, let's go, chop-chop" Green Arrow hollered

"ok, we got everything in the car, Your Majesty" Huntress said sarcastically

"that's more like it. Ok you go sit in the back with your sisters, your mother and I will be in the front, and everyone else will use their own vehicles. Have I made myself clear?" Two-Face hollered

"oy, yes Dad…" Robin moaned, rubbing his sore ass

"Mommy, can you sit with me?" Dinah asked, all buckled into her carseat

"sure sweetie. Hush, can you and Harvey drive?" Hippolyta asked

"sure thing" Hush said tiredly

"ok, let's go, on to Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada!" Livewire cheered excitedly

"Leslie, not so loud, we're trying to sleep…" Jade moaned tiredly, cuddling on her pillow

"it's ok, Kara's awake…thanks to some coffee **somebody** poured in her cereal…" Alex said, glaring at Red Hood

"hey, come on! I was just giving the kid a little energy boost" Red Hood admitted

"a little? A LITTLE? Jason, you poured nearly ALL OF MY COFFEE INTO KARA'S CEREAL. NOW SHE'S GONNA BE UP ALL NIGHT NOW, THANKS A LOT" Alex snapped

"you're welcome" Red Hood smirked sarcastically

"Jason, don't make me come over there…" Two-Face snarled

"uh… yes Dad" Red Hood exhaled in defeat

"say you're sorry to your new little sister" Hippolyta ordered

"fine. I'm sorry I accidentally poured coffee into your cereal, Kara" Red Hood apologized

"it's ok Jason. I thought it was chocolate milk" Kara said innocently, Alex slapping her forehead

"oy vey…" Alex moaned, rubbing her forehead praying for the day Kara will finally, finally recover from her head injury and act like a normal sister

"ok let's go" Harvey hollered, revving up the car as they drove down the highway

"are we there yet?" Kara asked

"Kara, can you do big sis a favor and go to sleep for a while?" Alex asked sweetly

"sure" Kara said cheerfully, closing her eyes and nodding off, snoring softly

"oh, thank Hera…" Alex exhaled, turning on her iPhone

"Alex… you do love your new baby sister don't you?" Hippolyta asked

"ok yes Kara sometimes drives me crazy, yes Kara can be a bit immature, and yes she makes me wanna tear my hair out… but yes I do love her. Even during her red kryptonite accident, I still loved her. And when she snapped out of it and apologized, I hugged  
her and told her it was ok. You know what? Like Helena is with Dinah, I'm gonna be exactly like that to Kara. If she wants me to play with her, I'll do it. If she wants to cuddle with me in my bed, I'll let her. If she wants me to watch My Little  
Pony or all her other girly girl shows, that's fine" Alex said

"aw Alex, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. I love you so much" Kara said, hugging Alex close

"I love you too baby sis" Alex cooed, kissing Kara's forehead

"Forever?" Kara asked

"Yes, as long as this world is spinning, we'll always be sisters, no matter what. And I will never, ever, ever stop loving you. I promise" Alex vowed, kissing Kara on the forehead

"that was very good Alex. I'm very proud of you" Hippolyta said

"I love you Mommy" Alex said, hugging Hippolyta close

"aww you only called me that when you were little. Do I have my little Alex back?" Hippolyta cooed, stroking Alex's hair

"mm-hmm, I'm not going anywhere at all" Alex promised, kissing Hippolyta's cheek

"Big sis?" Kara asked

"yes, buttercup?" Alex asked sweetly, using the nickname she picked for Kara when she was a baby

"can you cuddle with me?" Kara said, innocently

"you're so sweet, sure I love snuggling with my little buttercup" Alex said, hugging Kara close as both drifted off to sleep, smiling

"Harvey look, shhh…isn't that so sweet?" Hippolyta cooed

"yeah, we finally have our little Alex back" Harvey said, shedding a happy tear

"I'm so happy I have big sis Alex back" Dinah said

"me too sweetie, me too" Hippolyta cooed, kissing her forehead

 **Later…**

"look at how happy Kara and Alex are playing together" Hippolyta cooed, watching Kara and Alex play Angry Birds on their iPad

"Aww is my little buttercup sleepy?" Alex cooed, as Kara grew tired and yawned

"mm-hmm" Kara nodded sleepily

"Aw, come here, you can sleep on sissy's lap" Alex said softly, picking up Kara and putting her on her chest

"I love you big sister…" Kara said sleepily, sucking her thumb like she did when she was a baby

"Awww… I love you too baby sister…I love you so very much" Alex said, kissing Kara's forehead as she laid back and went to sleep, snoring softly with a smile

"Awww…" everyone except Batman awed

"Disgusting" Batman snarled, Livewire smacking him

"Shame on you, Bruce! Look how happy they are" Hippolyta said

"it makes me sick" Batman growled

"mmm…" Alex moaned softly in her sleep, hugging Kara close as Kara snored softly

"isn't that so sweet?" Huntress said

"ok, can we focus on the main plot? Alex and Kara are just a side plot" Nightwing added

"aw quit your whining, Dick, if the two lovebirds wanna have a lead role in this story, then it's fine with me" Livewire said

"boy, I'm bored. Nothing to do in this mini-van except chat, be lazy and do absolutely nothing" Jade griped

"aw, will you cease your whining? We'll be there when I say we're there" Black Mask snarled

"oh, really? How long might that be?" Star Sapphire asked

"uh… a few chapters or so, depending on filler of course" Hush said

"ooh! My favorite Broadway song is playing on the radio" Alex gasped

"oh no, please not now…" Batman moaned

Robin:

 **Good Caiaphas,**

 **The council waits for you**

 **The Pharisees**

 **And priests are here for you**

Hush:

 **Ah gentlemen,**

 **You know why we are here**

 **We've not much time**

 **And quite a problem here**

JLA Girls:

 **Hosanna Superstar**

 **Hosanna Superstar**

 **Hosanna Superstar**

 **Hosanna Superstar**

Alex:

 **Listen to that howling mob of blockheads in the street**

 **A trick or two with lepers**

 **And the whole town's on its feet**

JLA Girls:

 **HE IS DANGEROUS**

Chorus:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

JLA Girls:

 **HE IS DANGEROUS**

Chorus:

 **Tell us that you're who they say you are**

Dinah:

 **That man is in town right now to whip up some support**

Diana:

 **A rabble rousing mission that I think we must abort**

JLA Girls:

 **HE IS DANGEROUS**

Chorus:

 **Jesus Christ Superstar**

JLA Girls:

 **HE IS DANGEROUS**

Livewire:

 **Look Caiaphas, they're right outside our yard**

Amy:

 **Quick Caiaphas, go call the Roman Guard**

Hush:

 **No, wait! We need a more permanent solution to our problem**

Alex:

 **What then to do about Jesus of Nazareth?**

 **Miracle, wonder man, hero of fools?**

Supergirl:

 **No riots no armies no fighting no slogans?**

Hush:

 **One thing I'll say for him, Jesus is good**

Alex:

 **We dare not leave Him to His own devices**

 **His half-witted fans will get out of control**

Power Girl:

 **But how can we stop Him? His glamour increases**

 **By leaps every minute**

 **He's top of the poll**

"ok kids, who wants McDonalds?" Hippolyta asked

 **One quick fast food lunch stop later…**

Alex and Kara snored loudly in the back, Batman covering his ears irately

"oh Bruce, ever since we started driving, you've been such a grouch" Hippolyta complained

"I know. That's my job" Batman grumbled


	3. Checkin' Into the Hotel Themysciera

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **Chapter 3: Checkin' Into the Hotel Themysciera**

"Aw, son of a BITCH!" Two-Face growled

"Harvey! Not in front of the children" Hippolyta scolded

"Zzzzzz…." Kara and Alex snored loudly

"Uugghh… someone please shut them up" Batman grumbled

"ok bad news kiddies, Las Vegas is only a few 500,000,000 miles away" Two-Face announced

"um…what's the good news?" Kara asked, waking up

"well… good news is we're staying at this hotel until we find the quickest way to Las Vegas" Hush answered

"um, Mom, I'm not so sure if the Vegas casinos are appropriate for a child" Alex said, referring to Kara

"oh well in that case you and your sis can stay in the hotel room" Hippolyta said, just as a deafening crash was heard

"what the hey was that?" Livewire asked

"I think Robin tried to get out all our luggage by himself" Batman said

"MY BABY" Hippolyta bawled, rushing to Robin's side

"goddamn it Dent you had to marry her didn't you?" Batman growled angrily

"you wanna go there, boy? I got a bullet with your name on it" Two-Face growled

"oh, you asked for it" Batman snarled, Livewire breaking up the squabbling men

"Timmy! Timmy, are you ok?" Hippolyta asked, mascara draining from her face

"Ooohhh…I see Elvis…" Robin moaned dazedly, his eyes crossed

"get up, you moron" Batman snarled, slapping Robin

"Bruce! That was bad! Bad Batman! Bad! Bad! Bad!" Hippolyta scolded

"oh pffft, whatcha gonna do?" Batman asked

"may I?" Supergirl asked

"yes Kara, teach your big brother some manners" Hippolyta said

"NUT CRACKER" Supergirl hollered

"Nut wha…" Batman said before Supergirl kicked him in the babymaker

 **SSSSMMMMAAACK!**

"oh….god….my…my bat-balls…" Batman moaned, grabbing his masculine jewels

"you have no idea how long I wanted to do that" Supergirl said, giggling

"good girl, Kara, good girl" Alex said calmly

"help…me…" Batman whined

"well, say adios to your babymaker…" Flash snickered, Batman strangling him by the neck

"ok kids, move it along, show's over, nothing to see here…" Hippolyta said, ushering the others into the hotel just as Booster tried to break up Batman from killing Flash only to get kicked in his babymaker

"well, this is certainly a family friendly vacation…" Zsasz said sarcastically

"oh come on, be more optimistic, like me" Supergirl said cheerfully

"oy vey…" Zsasz moaned, rubbing his sore forehead before 70s rock opera music kicked in

"not again…" Red Hood griped

Livewire:

 **Woman**

 **Your fine ointment**

 **Brand new and expensive**

 **It should have been saved for the poor**

 **Why has it been wasted?**

 **We could've raised maybe**

 **Three hundred silver pieces or more**

 **People who are hungry**

 **People who are starving**

 **Matter more**

 **Than your feet**

 **And HAAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRRRR**

"oy vey Leslie, will you stop with the singing?" Star Sapphire griped

"but-but it's our running gag" Livewire protested

"yeah, yeah well if this keeps up, I'm gonna give Bram a piece of my mind" Star Sapphire growled

"NO! Carol, you really shouldn't do that. He is VERRRRYYY powerful. He can write ANYTHING" Alex exclaimed

"Even…ANYONE" Supergirl gasped, everyone's jaws dropping in shock

 **Yes I can. And as my first act as maker of the DC StokerVerse, I shall make Star Sapphire… a BIMBO! Mahahahahahahahaha!**

"Ooh…what is happening? Hehehehehe pretty colors…" Carol giggled, her IQ rapidly dropping and dropping

 **Hehehehehehehe it's working….**

"uh-oh" Hippolyta said

"Bram, what have you DONE?" Batman hollered

 **It's the beginning of a new era. This whole DC universe is MINE. I control this world and all who live in it. Obey my writings or all will be rewritten in my image… except for you Hippolyta**

"this is awesome. I like it" Kara said excitedly

 **YES! Yes, yes, yes! I've made Supergirl into my Protégé! I shall make her my apprentice and together we shall rule this universe but first why not have Alex join in on the fun?**

"woohoo! I feel so alive" Alex cheered raucously, taking off her shirt and letting her insanity run wild

 **Hehehehehe…. Today the JLA, tomorrow… the world!**

"how come you didn't do the JSA?" Hawkgirl asked

 **Meh, I had no use for them. You however, are my most prized creations. All of you are made with my exact personalities. I have made you immortal, meaning you can never be destroyed nor rewritten by any other authors. Oh and the road to Las Vegas? I made it so long just so you all can experience a little thing I call… CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT!**

"Ooohhh…." Kara, Alex, Diana and everyone oohed in awe

 **You see, Batman? You see how happy everyone else is serving me? I made you. Join Team Stoker and you shall have EVERYTHING**

"I'll think about it" Batman snarled

 **mmm… ok. On with the story. So toodles…for now. Mahahahahahahahaha**

"ok, so Carol's now an idiot, Supergirl and Alex are totally bonkers, and our author has gone mad with his powers and is now trying to rewrite the DC Universe in his own twisted psychotic image" Livewire said

"he is our king. We shall do whatever he commands" Supergirl and Alex spoke in a monotone voice, their eyes glazed by Stoker's power

"oh…um, Mr. Stoker, sir?" Diana asked

 **Yes?**

"I know you brainwashed Kara and Alex into serving you and all, but…" Diana said

 **But what? Come on, I don't have all day you know**

"can you…make them act normal WHILE being brainwashed?" Diana offered

 **Hmmm… a very amusing proposal. Very well, your wish is my command**

"wow…I feel a bit better in cognitive faculties" Kara said, rubbing her head

"why am I naked?" Alex asked, wearing only her bikini and her shorts

 **Whoops. I almost forgot. Ok, Clothes Beam**

"wow! I look so sexy" Kara gasped, admiring her new outfit

"mm-mmm, who's the hot big sis now?" Alex grinned

 **Now unless anyone else has any other requests, I really, REALLY need to progress with this story. So if anyone else has any other ideas they wanna tell me, wait until I'm available. Ok, Sayonara**

"wow what a great guy. I still wonder why he made Batman such a jerk" Diana said to nobody in particular

"eh, it doesn't matter anymore. Now come on, let's check into our rooms" Superman said, taking charge

"there he goes, Mr. big blue boy scout" Batman smirked sarcastically

"I heard that" Superman quipped

"Yeeessss?" I asked

"what the, what are YOU doing here?" Batman gasped

"I appeared to be the hotel manager and also to make sure you all stay in character. By the way Hippolyta, Ares called, he said he wants his sword back" I added

"hmm, tell him I'll give it back to him on Easter Sunday" Hippolyta said

"right-o" I answer, giving my Leaguers their room keys

"Robin… I have just the room for you…" I grin fiendishly

"uh-oh…" Robin moans

"you will be sharing a room with…KILLER CROC. MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" I laugh maniacally

"you want some of my gumbo?" Croc asked, offering me his famed Cajun cooking

"no can do, mate, I had Arby's for lunch" I say politely

"without ME? Why I oughta…" Batman snarled, Hippolyta silencing him

"many thanks, my dear" I say eloquently as Hush and Croc toss Batman into his designated hotel room

 **Later…**

"Zzzzzz…." Kara snored softly as she and Alex slept on their bed while Star Sapphire examined all of the hotel room

"in hindsight, do you think making Carol a total moron was really a good idea?" Barry asked Hal

"Hmmm… the good news is she's friendlier and less crazy…" Hal commented just as Star Sapphire stuck her head under the water faucet

"Eeewww! Carol, use a glass" Power Girl complained

"eh, it's alright Kara, let Carol have her fun" Hal said calmly

 **Even more later…**

"Jason, hurry up in there! Save me some of that hot water" Nightwing griped, banging on the restroom door

"oh I'm sorry, because Now I'm gonna take even LOOONNNGGEEERR" Red Hood shouted passive-aggressively

"ugh… I'm gonna kill him. Sooner or later, I'm gonna kill him" Dick growled as Hippolyta comforted him

"That does it! I'm gonna bash his head in" Nightwing snarled, kicking the door down only to see Jason in the shower buck naked

"HEY! DOES THE *CENSORED* WORD PRIVACY MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU, JACKASS?" Red Hood shouted, shutting the shower curtains

"…Whoo boy, don't mess with Red Hood when he's drunk" Livewire exhaled in awe

"Yeah. You know what kids? Just… stay away from him. He's…. well he's… too dangerous" Hippolyta said

"Pfft. Now you tell us this?" Livewire snarked

"Well I was gonna tell all of you after I brought him home from rehab…" Hippolyta started

"actually Mom, he forged his rehab release papers. He is 3 years overdue for his rehabilitation" Huntress announced

"oh my…." Hippolyta gasped in alarm

"now can I wring his scrawny drunk neck?" Dick asked

"hmmm…" Hippolyta thought to herself

"ugh… I need a drink" Dick groaned, getting himself some cranberry juice

 **Later…**

"well this is just great! All the adult channels are blocked and they cost $12,000 plus taxes and tip plus shipping and handling!" Two-Face complained

"uh…why exactly do the adult channels require shipping and handling?" Robin asked nervously

"you really don't want an answer to that question, son" Two-Face exhaled, sitting on the couch

"oh son of a… there's no BEER?" Hush shouted

"Tommy! Hush it! Dinah and the girls are sleeping in the room across from us. You don't wanna make my little canary mad, do you?" Two-Face asked, recalling the time Dinah bit Red Hood in retaliation for him dressing up as Pennywise at her 2nd birthday party

"no. the last thing I want is to see your wife's petite little darling go savage on me" Hush admitted

"good. Then stop with the complaining, sit down and shaddup" Two-Face barked as Hush sat on the recliner

"wow, have you ever seen such dust in such a dust town like this?" Black Mask asked, overlooking the vast wasteland

"meh, maybe in Fallout New Vegas" Alex commented, getting out of the shower

"ok Alex, you and Kara, bedtime. If you young'uns wanna stay up late when we get to Vegas, I suggest you get tons of shut-eye. Capiche?" Black Mask asked

"yup. Got it, night Dad" Alex cooed, kissing Two-Face on the cheek

"night, sweetheart" Two-Face cooed as Kara gave Two-Face a hug

"night Daddy" Kara said, kissing Two-Face's cheek as Alex picked her up and walked off with her

"that's my girl" Two-Face said in amusement

"wait a second…Kara and Alex are your kids too?" Black Mask asked

"ugh, Roman, we adopted them! I told you that a million times" Two-Face griped

"oh" Black Mask said

"oy, I'm beginning to think maybe this road trip wasn't a good idea…" Two-Face moaned

"oh now you're being Dennis Downer? Look on the bright side! We're out of the Watchtower, we're out in the middle of nowhere, having the time of our lives!" Hush exclaimed

"yeah. I suppose staying at a hotel in the middle of a desolate desert ran by a completely ax-crazy author suffering from one too many days of cabin fever is what you could say having the time of our lives" Two-Face said sarcastically

 **In the next room…**

"ok, I finally got Dinah to go to bed" Huntress sighed in relief

"where's Livewire?" Star Sapphire asked

"uh-oh…" Huntress realized her grave mistake

"YOU LET LIVEWIRE SLEEP WITH DINAH?" Hawkgirl asked, horrified

"Mom is gonna be sooo mad…" Vixen said

"Leslie? Is Dinah in there with you?" Hippolyta asked

"busted…" Vixen teased at Huntress

"oh knock it off" Huntress griped  
"yeah Ma, she's fine. I sang to her and rubbed her back, she's out like a light" Livewire said

"oh thank goodness. Ok thanks for watching Dinah, Leslie" Hippolyta said

"eh, no problem" Livewire commented, turning off her lights

"you girls set for bed?" Hippolyta asked

"um… do we look like we're all dressed?" Huntress asked

"hmmm…" Hippolyta assumed, examining the girls' pajamas

"ok, nighty-night" Hippolyta cooed, blowing a kiss as she closed the door

"ok, now what?" Huntress exhaled in relief

"well I don't know about you, but I'm goin' to bed. I'm exhausted" Spy Smasher, plopping facedown on her pillow

"yup, she's out" Hawkgirl commented as Spy Smasher snored loudly

"Kate, why are you and Renee sleeping upside down?" Roulette asked as Batwoman and the Question snored softly, hanging upside down like bats

"mmm…I'll tell you in the morning…" Kate grumbled, snoring some more

"oy, never mind, sheesh" Roulette groaned, waving her hands in the air in disgust

"anyone want some ice cream?" Fire asked

"what the? You're joking, right? It's eleven thirty at night. Go…to…Sleep" Huntress snarled, taking her sleeping pills

"mmm…night sweethearts" Huntress yawned, drifting off to sleep, snoring happily with a smile on her face

"aww…" everyone awed as Huntress snored softly

"uh…anyone wanna play poker?" Fire asked, Catwoman drugging Fire with chloroform

"thanks Selina. I thought she'd never shut up" Vixen yawned, curling up like a cat

"mm-hmm, now scoot over. That's my kitty kat basket" Catwoman commented, getting into the cat basket

"must you always paw-prance before bed? It's so weird" Vixen griped  
"oh perhaps we haven't met. I'm Catwoman" Selina quipped sarcastically

"…touché" Vixen deadpanned, closing her eyes

 **Later that night…**

"Clark, it's the middle of the night! What the hell are you even DOING?" Batman hollered as the Man of Steel was barbecuing…something on the grill

"what is Smallville doing now?" Lois asked sleepily

"oh your idiot husband is out cooking desert wildlife again" Linda said

"again?" Batman asked

"there was that one time in Montana…" Jade said

"ok, ok, say no more" Batman said just as Superman came in

"anyone want any fried owl?" Superman asked, showing his optimistic happy smile

"…no" Batman answered, retreating back to his bedroom

"well he certainly isn't a morning person" Superman commented

"Pfft, you think? He isn't even an evening person, either" Kyle said

"I heard that" Batman snapped from behind closed doors

"…how the hell does he do it?" Hal asked

"I dunno Hal. For as long as I've lived with him, I dunno" Batgirl said


	4. Sand, Glorious Sand

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **Chapter 4: Sand, Glorious Sand**

"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME" Two-Face shouted irately

"Now what's up?" Batman asked, opening the door only to be greeted by a wave of sand hitting him in the face

"bad news kiddies, we're in the middle of a heavy sandstorm" Two-Face announced

"well, this is just great. Now we're all stuck in this lousy stinkin heap of junk" Hush griped

"don't worry everyone, the storm will soon pass…" Hippolyta started

"says it'll pass at the beginning of May" Green Arrow said, reading the paper

"…uh-oh" Hippolyta gulped

"well now what?" Alex asked

"um…" Supergirl thought, drool dripping from her lip

"I now see why this is a running gag" Alex deadpanned

"welcome to the club, kid" Two-Face said, slapping Alex on the back

"ok, that does it, we're going back to our rooms" Batman barked, ushering everyone into their rooms

 **Later…**

"wow. So much dust" Supergirl said, gazing out the window

"crap. Nothing good on except a bunch of crappy art shows" Two-Face grumbled

"Harvey dear, language…" Hippolyta reminded

"oy…" Two-Face moaned, rubbing his forehead

"Mother! I just found out I'm Jewish" Wonder Woman gasped

"Yes dear, we're all Jews" Hippolyta announced, Two-Face spitting out his drink

"WHAT?" everyone shouted

"Well… this certainly is one memorable vacation" Alex deadpanned

"oh my…" Livewire exclaimed

"um… intermission time" Hawkgirl announced

 **TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES**

 **PLZ STAND BY**

"ok…so we're all Jewish, eh?" Green Arrow asked

"yup" Hippolyta answered

"but… does that mean we were in the you-know-where?" Dinah asked

"she means Auschwitz, mom" Diana said

"oh Pfft, don't be ridiculous, we weren't there to begin with" Hippolyta scoffed, chuckling

 **Later…**

"Ugh…Helena's snoring is driving me nuts" Vixen moaned as Huntress took her beauty nap, snoring loudly

"I think it's adorable, look, she's smiling" Supergirl said as Huntress definitely was smiling in her sleep

"Whatcha dreaming about?" Dinah asked, leaning over her favourite big sister

"Mmm…you, sweetheart…" Huntress yawned, turning on her side, snoring some more

"Aww…" Dinah awed

"ok kiddo, time for you to take a nap as well" Diana said, scooping up Dinah

"So…now what?" Spy Smasher asked

"can we go swimming?" Catwoman asked

"oh of course Selina, I'd love to go outside and go swimming in the middle of a freakin' sandstorm" Hawkgirl snapped sarcastically

"ooh, good point, never mind" Catwoman said, getting in her cat basket

"yeah, I thought so, now if you don't mind, this birdie here needs a few Z's" Hawkgirl yawned, folding her wings and drifting off to sleep, snoring

 **Later…**

"boy, it's like the Dust Bowl of '29 all over again" Wildcat commented gruffly, sitting in his recliner

"yup. And now it's the Dust Bowl of '16" Nightwing quipped

"Ehehehehe that was a good zinger there, young'un" Wildcat chuckled

"so…what's for dinner?" Roulette asked

"well until the storm settles, we're gonna have to cook our own food" Hippolyta announced

"wait a sec…who'd we leave in the Watchtower?" Supergirl asked

"oh my goodness! I left Neron and Manhunter in charge while we were gone! Oh Hera, please let them hear our prayers! Send them to us so that they may deliver us salvation" Hippolyta said to the heavens  
"and send us some chocolate cake" Supergirl piped up

 **At the Watchtower…**

"hmm. I sensed an odd message from your friends in the desert" Neron said, grinning at Manhunter holding the chain to his collar

"oh? And what may that be?" Manhunter asked calmly, able to talk normally with the rascally lord of the underworld

"they are trapped in the hotel during a massive sandstorm, and they require food for their plight. However, the sandstorm is extremely dangerous and can only be stopped by the means of fire" Neron continued

"FIRE? WHERE? I WANNA BURN SOMETHING" Firefly asked excitedly

"don't even think about it…" Kate growled

"I'm afraid he is your family's one true hope Kate. After all, how can you stop a 200 mph sandstorm out in the vast deserts of Nevada with your inventions?" Neron asked quizzically

"ugh…fine" Kate groaned

"Garfield, we need your help" Kate said, the maniacal firebug lighting up with glee

"REALLY? YOU REALLY NEED ME? AFTER 243 FANFICS, YOU REALLY REALLY NEED ME?" Firefly asked

"yes. The thing is, Mom and the others are trapped in a dusty hotel during a sandstorm and they need food to survive. So we're the only three guys who can do it, but the thing is…the sandstorm is vulnerable to fire…so… we need you to…burn out the sandstorm" Kate said

"WAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO! FINALLY! I, FIREFLY, GET TO BE THE HERO OF THIS FANFIC! WOOHOOO! THE GODDESSES BE PRAISED! I AM AWAITED! **I AM AWAITED IN VALHALLLLAAAAAAA!"** Firefly yelled loudly, getting all his flamethrower gear

"so you, me…and the lunatic" Kate said, showing a smile to her necromantic prisoner

"Yes, it seems fate has given us an opportunity… to redeem ourselves. And by ourselves of course, I mean… me" Neron said smugly

"we'll see about that. Now get in the car, dirtbag. We're going to Pizza Shack" Manhunter barked, handcuffing Neron to the passenger seat as Firefly got in the back

"you do realize I can melt these chains?" Neron asked smugly

"do that and you'll be sent into the reactor core" Manhunter threatened

"…you win this round, Katherine" Neron said grimly

 **Back to the hotel…**

"good news! Neron, Manhunter and Firefly are coming to save us" Hippolyta announced

"so… a bisexual district attorney, a crafty, manipulative, downright disgusting devil and a completely batshit crazy pyromaniac. THEY are the ones who are gonna get us outta this mess?" Two-Face asked

"yup" Hippolyta said

"we're doomed" Batman groaned


	5. The Attorney, The Firefly and the Devil

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **Chapter 5: The Attorney, the Firefly and the Devil went Down to Nevada and Definitely Not Georgia**

"ugh, of all the emergencies, I have to drive a million miles to a rundown hotel out in the middle of the Nevada desert, and my companions for this really unnecessary mission are a completely insane firefly and a demon that just will not shut up" Manhunter complained as she drove down the highway with Neron handcuffed to the passenger seat, and Firefly flickering his lighter on and off, much to Kate's growing annoyance. When all this was over, her mother Hippolyta is gonna owe her BIG TIME for making her put up with these two insufferable idiots. And if Neron makes one more lewd comment, he's about to join the rest of the desert trash

"GARFIELD, PUT THAT *CENSORED* LIGHTER AWAY" Manhunter roared loudly

"Whoa! Chill out there, girlie! It's a stress hobby of mine. Anyway, are we at the hotel yet? I wanna burn some stuff" Firefly said excitedly

"Garfield…we will be there in a matter of nine and a half days, which means for the next eight days, I have to put up with you and Mr. Demonic Chatterbox over here" Manhunter growled, glaring at an amused Neron

"your discomfort amuses me very much Katherine" Neron snickered

"Neron, you see that window and that ejector seat?" Kate threatened

"ok, I'll shut up" Neron exhaled, reading his latest Devil's Gurlz magazine

"and where the hell did you get that?" Kate asked, disgusted by the lewd literature her prisoner was reading

"I…have my ways" Neron said, smiling slyly, his glowing green eyes brightening

"yeah, well when we get back to the Watchtower, we're getting rid of that stuff" Kate hissed

"Ha! I am a demon. I can resummon anything I create" Neron scoffed

"aw son of a BITCH" Kate growled, the car running out of gas

"oh dear. It seems we ran out of guzzoline. How will we reach our family in time now?" Neron said, grinning

"walk" Kate said coldly, drawing a gun at his head

"surely you jest. The miles of sand, the buzzards, the burning heat…" Neron teased, Kate's eyes narrowing into hostile slits

"yeah? Well I'm immortal, and so's Garfield. You…you're unholy trash. Now move before I leave you here" Kate growled

"Grrrr…you definitely have your ways Katherine" Neron hissed, getting out of the car, Kate keeping his gun trained on him

"want me to get the pizzas?" Firefly asked

"sure Garfield. You still have tons of ammo?" Kate asked

"heck yeah, man! And Neron…you do anything to my sister, I'll scald you til you're nothing but satanic ash" Firefly threatened

"duly noted Garfield. Now get the damn food" Neron roared in his demonic voice

"ugh…yes Sahib" Firefly heaved sarcastically, getting all the pizzas and goodies as Kate walked forward, pulling Neron close to her

"this chain and collar, it makes you think I'm your pet, isn't it? That's the reason why you drag me around wherever you go, even when you're sleeping I'm still chained to you like an animal. I sense you want your father back. You know what you have to do. Just give me one little thing…" Neron said, Kate ignoring him completely

"move it Beelzebub, and quit trying to trick my sister" Firefly barked, Neron hissing his forked tongue in anger as he stared the desert sun

"thank you Garfield. You're more cooperative in a conversation…unlike someone else" Kate said, shooting a steely glare at Neron

"oh have I done something to offend you, my dear?" Neron asked, faking sympathy

"you've done a lot of things. Just be grateful Mother didn't kill you after she dragged you into my home, bound in chains" Kate snarled, Neron realizing the reality of her words

"oh…then I shall comply to your requests, Ms. Prince" Neron said more appropriately

"that's better. I'm still keeping you chained to my arm and I'm still keeping the collar and chain around your neck" Kate said

"of course. Whatever makes you happy, my dear" Neron said

"I am pleased that you're behaving…but I'm betrothed to someone else" Kate said

"ah…so the fearless Manhunter has finally decided to settle down with someone? Who is the lucky man?" Neron asked

"it's not a man. It's a woman" Kate corrected

"ah…this is most interesting. It seems you've inherited your mother's heterosexuality" Neron admitted

"yes, that is true. I actually had a girlfriend in high school" Kate said, Neron willingly drawn into their friendly chat

"so…who was this fine maiden that you shared your heart with?" Neron asked

"her name…your old friend Cameron. Cameron Chase" Kate answered

"ah…sweet, sweet Cameron…such an innocent docile female. Just like your precocious little sister Dinah. She is a very special female. It's her incorruptible heart and pureness that gave her my undivided attention" Neron said

"so why are you attracted to my baby sister? Dinah's afraid of you. She knows you try to hurt her. No matter what, she won't consider you a friend…unless you try to be more…human" Kate said

"Hmmm…a chance to be acquainted with the future Queen of Themysciera? An amusing challenge, and a challenge I most humbly accept" Neron said smugly

"well…that's up to Mother when we get there. I'll let her decide if she wants to unchain you. If she says yes, I'm still keeping an eye on you. Understood?" Kate asked, Neron showing her a winning smile

"you have my word my dear" Neron said

"may I ask you something?" Kate asked

"why of course, my dear girl. Ask me whatever your heart desires" Neron answered

"which one of my sisters are you attracted to?" Kate asked

"hmmm…the magician. Zatanna" Neron answered

"pfft. Zatanna? Gimme a break, when she first met you, she flipped you the bird" Kate laughed

"yes, yes she did. However, I believe she did find me attractive…" Neron said

"oh seriously? My sister with you? That'll be the day" Kate scoffed

"you should never ever doubt fate dear Katherine. Sooner or later, Zatanna will soon see I'm more of a man than a monster" Neron said

"you were a monster the minute I captured you and now you're discovering your humanity after wallowing in your disgusting hellhole. What makes you think you can truly change?" Kate asked

"it's all in the manner of perspective my dear. It's all about trust, opening up to others, friendship and revealing your most intimate secrets…" Neron said

"Hmmm…you are very flattering for a devil" Kate grinned, pulling her lips closer to his, both lips locked in passion

"oh! Katherine, why? Are you…" Neron asked

"Yes. I love you. I wanna be with you. I'm an angel and you're my devil" Kate purred

"that's my girl. Garfield, should you tell anyone of this, the punishment will be severe. Am I understood?" Neron asked

"yup, right as rain" Firefly said honestly

"so…at long last Katherine Royston Prince, district attorney of Gotham City, alias the bounty hunter Manhunter, has finally admitted to having feelings for the self-proclaimed Neron, Lord of the Underworld. Tell me, what on Hera's green earth even possessed you to revealing your feelings for me?" Neron asked

"like you said darling, it's all in the manner of perspective" Kate said, her and Neron sharing a laugh

"ah Katherine my dear, I do honestly believe this is the beginning of a match made in heaven" Neron said

"or a match made in Hell" Kate quipped, both chuckling in amusement

"ah I believe I take back all my regrets on accompanying you on this road trip…" Neron admitted

"same here" Kate replied

"Hey! What am I, chopped liver?" Firefly snapped

"you're a dear friend as well Garfield as well as a devoted brother to dear Katherine" Neron replied

"wow…I never thought after 244 stories, I'd ever, EVER hear you say that" Firefly gasped in disbelief

"well as Carl Anderson once said in his famed 1973 film, it's a strange thing mystifying…" Neron quoted

"my favourite musical" Kate gasped

"oy! How come we aint doing a musical number?" Firefly hollered

"Because, dear Garfield, this chapter is about us. I sense my dear Bram wanted to make us the supporting stars of this fic" Neron said

"oh of course" Firefly replied


	6. Checkin' Out Is Easy To Do

**JLA FAMILY ROAD TRIP**

 **CHAPTER 6: Checkin' Out is Easy to Do**

Morning came over the vast Nevada desert as the trio of Manhunter, Neron and Firefly continued their long walk down the sandy road to the hotel where their allies were. Fate, fortunately was on their side as Neron could see the hotel a few miles down

"look! Someone's coming" Dinah gasped cheerfully, everyone waking up as the sandstorm passed. Diana squinted a bit to make out who was coming. Obviously the one flying would have to be Firefly, the one in chains and a collar chained to him would be Neron, and the figure holding the leash to the collar would have to be Manhunter

"Never thought I'd see the day that slimy, scum-spewing, soul stealing bastard would turn over a new leaf" Two-Face grumbled as the trio came closer and closer

"Fond felicitations, my good friends. We have arrived with tides of good giving and bountiful food" Neron announced eloquently

"it's about damn time" Black Mask growled, snatching the pizza boxes and grocery bags

"Roman…I believe we should thank Neron for this" Hippolyta said

"but…he's the enemy" Black Mask hissed

"that may be the case Roman, but he did act selflessly to help us" Hippolyta retorted

"your thanks are greatly appreciated, Your Majesty" Neron said proudly

"be that as it may Neron, you are still guilty in the eyes of the law. You have a long way to go before Hera sees you fit to be free from your chains" Hippolyta said

"as you command, Your Majesty" Neron said

"Yes. As long as Neron is my prisoner, he isn't going anywhere outside the Watchtower so long as I keep my leash on him" Manhunter said

"well first of all, where the hell is the transport car?" Two-Face asked

"Wally…" Hippolyta called, whistling

"On it" Flash said, zipping down the desert road at uncanny speed

"wait for it…" Neron said knowingly

"got it" Flash quickly said, bringing the refilled transport car back

"record timing" Hippolyta exclaimed, stopping her stopwatch

"ok, the skies are clear so onward to Las Vegas" Two-Face ordered, everyone cheering

"you, you're driving with me" Manhunter ordered, cuffing Neron to the passenger seat as Firefly got in the back seat

"so are we following them?" Neron asked

"what do you think?" Kate asked, flashing a sly smile

"you silver tongued harlot, you" Neron purred as both cars drove down the highway back on the road again

 **Later…**

"Mom, I know I'm not one to gossip and all, but I think there's something very odd going on with Kate and Neron" Helena said

"well darling, it's natural for bounty hunters to develop feelings for their bounties" Hippolyta explained

"oh. Well it just seems weird because I could've sworn Kate had brimstone lipstick on her cheek" Helena added

"oh, is that so?" Hippolyta asked

"yup" Helena said

"Hmmm…I see that our devil is starting to be more…human" Hippolyta concluded

"so you're not mad about this?" Dinah asked

"oh heavens no! I should've known by now Neron would start to accept the fact that he's gonna be staying with us for a very, very, very, VERY long time" Hippolyta replied

"yeah, that devil is up to something alright, it doesn't look good" Batman hissed

"oh Bruce, don't make such a worry about it. I'm sure Neron's behaving himself now that Kate has an eye on him" Hippolyta said

"do you have any idea how long those two have been at each other's throats? Just yesterday, Kate took a swing at him after he wolf-whistled at her new suit" Nightwing added

"oh please, he was complimenting her on her fine wear" Hippolyta scoffed

"huh. Well I never thought being slugged in the jaw after wolf-whistling at someone's clothing would be considered a compliment" Nightwing remarked

"Mom… it's obvious to us we cannot have him wandering around the casinos. He could get in so much trouble" Alex piped up

"yes, darling, you're right. Donna dear? I need you, Kara, Alex and Helena to help Kate watch Neron while the adults are out at the casinos, ok?" Hippolyta asked sweetly

"you got it Mom. He wont even try to mess with me" Donna boasted

 **At the hotels…**

"ok Neron, we're here at the hotel room. Now in case you didn't hear clearly, Mom is ordering you to stay inside the hotel and away from the casinos and away from the civilians. And to make sure you don't get any of your crafty ideas, she's asked Donna, Kara, Alex, Diana and Helena to help me keep an eye on you. Try anything funny and it's back to the car until morning. Am I understood?" Kate asked, handcuffing Neron to the bedposts

"of course my dear. My, my Kara, you are looking very ravishing tonight" Neron purred lewdly

"don't you dare talk to my baby sister, you filthy brimstone creep!" Alex roared, getting in front of Kara defensively, yawning

"ok Kara and I are going to bed. Can we trust you two to make sure this Lucifer wannabe doesn't leave the room unless you wanna get a major spanking?" Alex asked

"yup" Helena answered confidently

"oh and use this muzzle if he gets chatty. That should shut him up until at least morning" Kara said, handing Kate an enchanted mouth muzzle before glaring viciously at Neron

"and you…" Kara growled, showing her more mature and heroic side, making Neron quiver in fear

"you think I'm really that big of an idiot? You think I'm that stupid I won't even notice you're trying to bedevil or seduce my older sister? Well let me tell you something; I may not be the brightest one in this family, but I know what kind of games you are playing, and let me say to you I've held my tongue with you for as long as I can handle, and now I'm up to here with your false innocence. You're up to something and I know it has something to do with Kate. So I demand you immediately stop it or I'll have Mother come teach you some manners and believe me when I tell you that you definitely do NOT want to make my Mother angry with you. Oh and make any more weird comments at my face and I'll take this leash and strangle you like Leia did with Jabba the Hutt. Am I understood?" Kara growled, tugging Neron's collar

"yes…yes ma'am" Neron whimpered

"good. I hope you heed my warning" Kara hissed, walking into her room

"…wow" Diana gasped

"yup. Kara definitely isn't scared of him anymore" Helena remarked

"I'm proud of her. She's finally growing up" Kate admitted confidently

 **The next morning…**

"hey Kate, what the hell's with your prisoner? He's all shivering and stuff" Two-Face asked at breakfast as Kate dragged in a terrified, pale skinned Neron

"oh…I taught him a lesson" Kara announced, giving Neron a knowing look

"wait a minute…you? You stood up to Neron?" Red Hood asked laughing until he saw the look of sincerity on Kara's face. Even Alex gulped in fear of her sweet baby sister finally, finally taking a level in badass

"My little Kara's all grown up" Hippolyta said proudly

"that's right. I may act silly and childish at times, but when the chips are down and the stakes are set, it's time to finally become what you say you are" Kara said proudly

"Um…a girl?" Jason asked

"no you drunk, a hero" Kara snapped, smashing Jason's whiskey bottle

"what the…?" Jason asked as Supergirl lunged at him

"drinking. That's all you ever do, drink, drink and drink. You drank when your mother came back. You drank when Lady Blackhawk proposed to you. You drank when you saw your firstborn child. You have a problem, Jason Prince, and you and only you can stop it. So now's the time to stop drowning in your river of booze and start acting like a real man, a real brother! I've ignored all your bad habits for several times but now I think it's time I gave you a piece of my mind. The reason you can't commit and be a family man is because you're so insecure about not living up to Bruce's expectations or maybe the REAL reason is the fact that you're so *censored* obsessed with Joker beating you up is that you keep bringing it up in front of everyone, making them and yourself worse" Kara said, Red Hood letting her words get through to him

"…holy shit" Alex gasped in awe

"that's my girl" Superman said proudly

"Kara…that was AMAZING!" Hippolyta cheered loudly

"I'm proud of you buttercup. You're a big girl now" Alex cooed, giving Kara a big hug

"yeah. It felt good getting all that off of my chest" Kara admitted, back to her dopey, innocent self again

"so Jason and Neron, I think we all learned a few things during this vacation, eh?" Hippolyta asked, Neron and Jason nodding their heads, still traumatized by Kara's armor piercing speech

"never thought I'd see the day Supergirl would finally start using her brain" Batman said

"and you…um…" Supergirl started, everyone holding their breath in fear as the Maid of Might stared down the curmudgeonly knight

"um…you…you need to get a better hobby" Supergirl finally said

"…what?" Batman gasped

"yeah, a hobby. You know, coloring books, origami, coin collecting, those kind of hobbies. You know, it's healthy for you what with all the PTSD you've been suffering and all" Supergirl said

"yeah, you're right" Batman admitted

"wow. Just…wow. Why was it in this chapter that Bram finally, finally decided to make Supergirl an A-1 badass?" Nightwing asked

 **Well like Judas said in Jesus Christ Superstar, it's a strange thing mystifying…**

"thanks Bram. I now know how to behave responsibly" Kara said thankfully

 **Don't mention it. Oh and Neron?**

….

 **You could really use a bath. I can smell your brimstone ointment all over your body**

"oh my" Hippolyta exclaimed

"after 244 stories, two hundred and forty four *censored* stories, we finally, finally graduate into the badasses we were meant to be" Black Mask exclaimed in amazement

 **Ok, ok I will admit, having everyone act all badass and stuff is gettin' pretty dull. So I think I'm gonna return Supergirl back into a ditz but… Jason and Neron will still remember her little chat she had with you two**

"wow. What just happened? Ehehehehe. Are we in…Disneyland?" Supergirl asked goofily

"YAY my baby sister's back" Alex cheered, hugging Supergirl close

"oh great…" Black Mask groaned, banging his head on the wall

 **Later…**

"ZZZZZ…" Supergirl snored loudly, sleeping on the couch surrounded by her stuffed animals as Alex snored even louder in the lounge chair

"they really are sisters, aren't they?" Neron asked in annoyance

"oh perhaps we haven't met, I'm Katherine Prince" Kate said sarcastically

"…Touché" Neron said smugly


End file.
